OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
