think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
