that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just invented taco cereal.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
