Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
