I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize