You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
