I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
