I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
