ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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