I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
