You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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