I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
