Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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