My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
