hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
