My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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