I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
