Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
