I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
