he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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