Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
