I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
