I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
