I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
