I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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