Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
