I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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