i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
