I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
