just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
