I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
