We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
