Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
