I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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