Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
