Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
