Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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