farters have to be the big spoon...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize