hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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