I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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