The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
