he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize