I hate all girls vehemently.
Fuck appropriateness.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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