so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
