Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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