I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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