i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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