Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
