a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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