there's paper in my vomit.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
