In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize