the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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