Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
