While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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