i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
