I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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