I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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