Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
