you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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