What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
