how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
