It's like God shit irony all over that family
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
