accomplished twins. life is a go
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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