I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
