Its about making memories worth repressing
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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