You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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