I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
