My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
