Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize