nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
