I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
